Review of ‘Sleeping Beauty Takes A Prick’: “A camp re(ar)treat for queens”

The Charing Cross Theatre opens itself (don’t dig up too much…) to this new gay adult panto turning the iconic fairy tale even fairier. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show, to let us know if the classic got actually spindled.

In a faraway land that nobody knows
Developed by royals, staunch peasants and hoes
There lived a ruler who longed to be loved
And up his derriere, have some good stuff shoved
No matter the struggles, he wished not to hide
For he knew that being gay is blessed with great pride
And that's how it started - the tale for this farce
Of the young prince of Slutvia and his hungry arse

Our story begins with the death of the king
His lad taken under the Queen's motherly wing
But that couldn't save him, nor either divert
From the wrath of his uncle, the severe Camembert
'Twas his forbidding hand that performed the vile deed
Of erasing his bro bro, for nothing but greed
And upon his sweet nephew, he, too, put a curse
That would bring him the same fate, if he stored his purse

Prepare for some edging - this panto's adult
But surely you'll fall for its priceless result
There's double entendres, soiled satire and jokes
That will crack you more than when my sub b*tch chokes
The action's engaging, the dialogue's fun
With so many plot twists made certain to stun
There's fairies and jockeys, E.T.'s and a ghost
And even a bum scene, to harden your post

The songs are compelling - both lyrics and tunes
They're almost as doozie as the Queen's big balloons
The pacing is flawless - no moment goes down
As flashy and camp as the monarch's loose gown
The humour is acid, no room for PC
A poke on the woke surely brings so much glee
The ending's a bit rushed - but sister, who cares?
For all that we want are those hussy affairs

The cast is astounding - oh, Lord, what a treat!
Their roles are presented so flawless and neat!
Chris Lane brings the house down through shouting and boos
His part as the villain is bound to amuse
And as for the wimp prince, who's played by Tom Mann,
I'd say I was hooked since his acting began
Things get even sassier through Matt Gent's burlesque
His King Charles's accent can't get more grotesque

Yet, there's someone else here that stands on the front
Though she, as a mother, is much of a c*nt
The dazzling Matt Baldwin boasts talent and guts
By playing Queen Gertrude, fair queen of the sluts
His charming performance, well-timed and top notch,
Has such great stage presence that's so worth a watch!

With highly wrought settings and intricate lights
This show will give one of your best-feeling nights
It's lively and playful, it's friendly and fun
Its quality calls for a triumphant run
For here comes a show that's both silly and slick
Which talks 'bout a sleeper and his rather stiff.... You know...

All pictures credit to Danny Kaan.

Sleeping Beauty Takes A Prick plays at London’s Charing Cross Theatre until 13 January. Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara