The Charing Cross Theatre hosts its annual adult panto production with this camp retelling of the English folk tale. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show, to let us know if this bottomless pit of dirty humour ends up earning a magna…cum… laude.
Ladies and gentlemen, fairies and whores,
The pantomime season has opened its doors
So, please, come together - in no cheeky way
And hear all the wonders of this super gay play
Once more at the Charing, where we lay our scene,
An innocent kids tale will get quite unclean
Here comes a new stage work by Above The Stag
And an old childhood hero, now turned into a fag
In a nice little town, full of marvel and charm,
A young, handsome poof helped his mum run a farm,
But things were not easy, it all felt so tough
Even he couldn't handle it - though he liked it rough
Amidst all that turmoil, more tragedy struck,
When the town's peace was threatened by a realtor schmuck,
And so, here began, the most dazzling adventure
Starring two queens, a cow, and a wencher
There's no sugarcoating - you'll take it bareback
For this is a very bawd version of 'Jack'
His mother's a diva; his best friend, a fool,
And his butt is harassed by a leg-open ghoul!
The times don't look pretty, but there's room for hope
Things always seem better after having a grope
For deep in the graveyard, there lie the deceased
And our dear friend Jackie, who's shagging the priest!
Prepare to be dirty - here, foulness runs free
For filthiness is their sole reason to be
Its humour is nasty, with such obscene puns,
Not good if you hang out with virginal nuns
The script is amusing, the plot makes you laugh
Yet, sometimes it feels as if not quite enough
You'll have a great time, though, and be entertained
But things do grow larger when milked until drained
The cast is enchanting, they put up no shame
Who could, though, when headed by such a shrew dame?
Joe Grundy's performance as Reverend Tim
Is sweet and so winning, you're filled to the rim
That bitch, Lady Fleshcreep, played by Jordan S.,
Is wickedly funny - just the best villainess!
Again, Matthew Baldwin stands out in the lot
Stealing scene after scene as the crude Dolly Trott
Though not as rewarding as last year's grand act
There's still a nice load to enjoy - that's a fact!
It's sinfully pleasant, like sniffing a popper
So give Jack a chance - to his tale, to his whopper!
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All pictures credit to Steve Gregson.
Jack and the Beanstalk – What A Whopper! plays at London’s Charing Cross Theatre until 11 January. Tickets are available on the following link.