Review of ‘Picture You Dead’: “An inert portrayal”

Peter James’s best-selling book lands onstage through this new touring adaptation currently playing at the Richmond Theatre. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show, to let us know if its fraudster-themed plot leads to a feign-tastic result.

Forging is a talent. But exploring that talent can be just as counterfeit. That seemed to be the case during last night’s press performance of Picture You Dead at the Richmond Theatre – introducing audiences to a double act of fraudulence, where the phrase ‘art imitates life’ was granted a completely different meaning: everything was an ersatz of what it should be, and absolutely nothing held a speck of credibility.

This is based on a true story – we’ve heard that hook so many, many times before. Why shouldn’t we? It has worked before and it has worked now. The premise is valid enough. And its grip is solid. But there’s very little to do when a narrative about a copyist of paintings doesn’t display any strokes of quality – let alone, excellence.

Picture You Dead brings a reproduction of factual events to the stage. Using Peter James’s homonymous book as its basis, author Shaun McKenna elaborates a theatrical replica through a mixture of crime fiction elements and comedic devices. It’s a refreshing concept, which could actually translate into a rather successful outcome. Yet, its sloppy handling only leads up to a total sham.

From its fake, unpolished dialogue to its extremely phony characters, nothing can be salvaged in this recount, whose only focus is to constantly remind the viewer of how false it feels. There are no redeeming features in its writing – plagued with cliched lines, unfunny jokes, and stagnated action; and it doesn’t look as if the production has any intention of solving the problem any time soon.

The staging is poorly executed – lacking the dynamism and versatility the plot requires with its continuous change of scenes. But the script doesn’t make it easier either – with its pacing and structure lying closer to a television episode rather than something meant to tread the boards.

As the piece progresses, so does its decrease in appeal – adopting a droller tone that not too often sounds intentional. And as a result, the show’s general vibe is of a pirate version of what it could have actually been – with all the renditions absent of any hints of chemistry and naturalness; on too many occasions, adopting an Austin Powers-like energy will doubtfully meet its guests’ expectations.

Nothing that happens on a stage is real. Yet, no-one that comes to the theatre wants to be lied to. Picture You Dead may deal with the art of scamming but practically flaunts no con-petence in making any of its endeavours feel genuine.

Unable to cook its own book, and struggling to weave anything sufficiently strong to pull the wool over its watchers’ eyes, this trickster-themed tale proves itself incapable of doing any tricks – leaving us with a bland substitute of a play that’s unlikely to generate any bootlegs. It may be set in Brigthon. But wistfully, there’s nothing bright on or about it.

Picture You Dead plays at London’s Richmond Theatre until 22 March. Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara