Review of ‘Lovestuck’: “Oh, crap! They made a musical of it”

London’s Theatre Royal Stratford East hosted the world premiere of this new rom-com musical — inspired by the awkward real case of a first date that literally went to waste. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show — to let us know if it’s worth giving a dung about its whoopsie narrative.

A few years ago, college student Liam Smyth had the shittiest day of his life. Well, it was his date who went through the fece-tival. After some lovely dinner at Nando’s, a place preceded by its reputation for bowel-friendly food, his unidentified love interest (I’m sending you on a quest here) had to excuse herself for some royal affairs — or at least, related to some throne.

Long story short, the toilet doesn’t flush — and panicked by the fact that her potential new boyfriend may not have read Everybody Poops, she opted to throw her creation away and share it with the outside world. Surprise, surprise — it got stuck in the double window. And when she leaned forward to retrieve it, so did she. The rest made the headlines. And apparently, now a musical, too.

Last night, London’s Theatre Royal Stratford East set audiences on an evacuation process while hosting the world premiere of the brand-new musical Lovestuck. There was no fire or accident (sort to speak) — it’s just that the show had a lot of matter to excrete. Teasing attempts apart, the piece isn’t all that crappy. It’s rather enjoyable on the whole — only that there’s still a lot of waste to remove.

A typical rom-com with hardly any surprises and borrowing from every predecessor ever made, the plot tells the tale of Lucy, an NHS nurse, and Peter, a creative guy (I still can’t figure out what his actual job was) — both frustrated with their love lives. Just when they believe all hope is lost, fate will set them up in the most captivating meet-cute moment ever written. A night out at a club. A sudden bump into each other. A quick look. An instant click — followed by Peter’s puke all over her (probably not the kind of load she was expecting).

It’s not as funny as it suggests — if it ever does. Though its recurring premise could still lead to something digestible (no pun intended), the script is overall poorly handed due to its extreme predictability and lack of wit. It tries to be bitter and bitchy at many points — none of which are ever successful. Its supposedly “edgy” lines come across as washed-out and unimaginative — leaving us with the same innocuous impression as Neil Patrick Harris’s unanswered calls for sharpness in Uncoupled.

In a time when good lyrics in new musicals are tougher to find than peace on social media, Lovestuck fails to be the exception. They are not terrible, but they exude no brilliance, either. Usually, the prosody is off — many verses feel shoved into the melody, displaying very little care both in form and content. In some way, they pay homage to one of the songs’ titles by constantly being “basically basic”. Furthermore, the rhymes are the great forsaken ones of the evening — and on the rare occasions when we can spot one, they are usually crafted with no skillfulness and in the laziest manner.

The music has a better impact on its audience. However, it’s not the kind that will last for too long — as most of the songs are likely to be forgotten three seconds after they play. Though easy on the ear, most of the numbers sound quite derivative. When they are not taking unapologetic inspiration from more proficient icons (the Billy Flynn-like entrance struck me), they rely on a massively worn-out light pop-rock approach. And despite its accessibility and overall enjoyable quality, its aftertaste is rather bland and unmemorable — with only one real earworm as its finale and another nearly-but-still-not-there one as its title theme.

Fortunately, we can take solace in the fact that the production is far more competent than the writing. Directed by Jamie Morton, both the staging and renditions serve as the redeeming features of this not-so-infatuating experience. Tom Rogers’s design brings out dynamism in the performance through the use of a static set repurposed with several prop additions. Adam King’s saturated lighting complements and secures the effect — effortlessly transporting to each ambience while boasting intricacy and resourcefulness in that endeavour.

The entire company also excels in their efforts to bring the piece to life — even when there’s not much substance to pump from. With all of them flaunting superb vocals, as well as rapport and flair in their portrayals, Shane O’Riordan earns a first mention as the lead, Pete, bringing charm and likability to his character while also proving a decent level of humorousness.

At the same time, Ambra Caserotti makes another laudable appearance as the other protagonist, Lucy — oozing presence and adroitness in her delivery, an even more meritorious accomplishment considering that she stepped into the role with only one week of rehearsal following the titular’s injury. Yet, the highest praise goes to Bridgette Amofah in the double part of Cassandra/Miseraie — giving a relatively charismatic performance that oozes stamina and comicality.

Caught between two stools when trying to convey a compelling story and shape it as a musical, Lovestuck proves itself promising for a show that, though not the most original, could still be manure-factured with some prowess. Wistfully, many of its efforts go down the drain due to some unfortunate stylistic choices and generally underdeveloped take. It doesn’t stink or take the wrong turd, but it hasn’t explored its full potential or poo-ssibilities.

All pictures credit to Mark Senior.

Lovestuck plays at London’s Theatre Royal Stratford East until 12 July. Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara