Performer and theatremaker Dan Daw talks new show ‘EXXY’: ” There is just no way I can conform, so I resist”

Following the success of his latest production, the actor and creative returns to the London stage with this new and even more personal piece, having its world premiere at the Battersea Arts Centre before embarking on its first UK tour. Guillermo Nazara chats with the artiste to learn more about the show’s development and its ability to embrace the difference.

How does it feel to bring such a personal story to the stage for the very first time?

Most of the work we make, as a company, is based on my lived experience on living in the world as a queer, disabled man, but this is the first time I’ve looked at my working classness so closely. Because my work is always so personal, it’s always a vulnerable moment sharing it with audiences, but with EXXY being our first large-scale piece of work, it feels even more exposing. It’s always my hope that audiences are going to connect to and resonate with my story, and this is something I can never know until it’s put in front of them. Me, and my whole creative team, have really had to hold our nerves and trust our guts with this one.

How did the idea for the show come about?

EXXY is three years in the making, and the idea behind it started when we were looking for large-scale work by disabled choreographers to programme in a dance festival we co-curated with Kampnagel, a performance venue in Hamburg. During the search, the curatorial team suggested that I made a work for big stages. I remember feeling that I wasn’t ready, and a massive wave of imposter syndrome and self-doubt swept over me. I was intrigued at how visceral my response was that I wanted to go before I felt ready to make the biggest piece of my career about the imposter syndrome I felt in that moment and at different points in my life.

The show deals with your own experiences as a queer and disabled person growing up in rural Australia. Something tells me that we’re not in for a super cheerful ride. Is that case?

Doing my best to survive and thrive in a world that, on the whole, doesn’t value my existence as a queer, disabled, working class person hasn’t always been rainbows and lollipops. The show acknowledges the work I’ve had to do as well as the work that others in my community have had to do to get to where we are. We’ve had to be resilient a lot of the time — because we’ve had to be. EXXY is less about how society disempowers us as people who are forced out into the margins, but about empowering ourselves in really going against the grain by being completely ourselves. As a disabled man, no matter how hard I try, there is just no way I can conform, so I resist. And so, why not resist in the most beautiful, most sexy, most spectacular way?

Sadly, growing up in a hostile environment is the usual situation for many LGBTQ people, especially in small towns and communities. How do you think this issue should be tackled?

This is a tricky one, because I think it’s an issue that would have already been solved if it was going to be. It’s up to us, as individuals, to make kinder choices by taking everyone on face value. Why do humans not yet have the collective emotional maturity to be able to meet each other where we are? It blows my mind that difference is seen as a threat and it’s not something I’ll ever understand. There are plenty of examples of acceptance and kindness in the world, so people can be that if they want to, but they’re simply, and actively, choosing not to.

What would you say to those people who, just like you, have been trying to find their place in the world?

I’ve spent years of my life trying to fit into spaces where I felt like I didn’t belong, and sailed myself down the river, masking so that others around me would feel more comfortable with how I move and how I sound. Don’t waste anymore time creating other watered down versions of yourself to make others around you feel comfortable. It’s not your responsibility to make them feel comfortable with who you are. As much as you possibly can, be all of you in every moment. 

As you mentioned, the show also deals with your struggles with imposter syndrome. What can you tell us about this key feature?

Without too much of a spoiler, I traced my imposter syndrome back to my childhood linking it to my frequent visits to hospital, where I pushed my body to do things it wasn’t meant to do, and to my nan, who always allowed my body to do whatever it did. It’s as much a hate speech to the medical model of disability as it is a love letter to my grandmother.

How do you think the show will resonate with people that have not necessarily been on a similar journey as a queer and disabled person?

The work essentially reflects on how resilient I’ve had to be and on how far I’ve come. I think the show will resonate universally, because in my taking space to think about where I came from, audiences will be taken back to where they came from. We’ve all come from somewhere, irrespective of disability, class, or who we love. It feels important to also acknowledge that this deep dive into our personal histories might not be the right thing for all audiences and could bring up things from their past they’d rather not think about.

This piece follows your previous and critically acclaimed work, The Dan Daw Show. How does it differ from its predecessor?

If The Dan Daw Show was about me accepting and getting to love my body, then EXXY is about me learning to value my body, even when society doesn’t.

Are both shows connected in any way?

EXXY starts where The Dan Daw Show left off by me taking up the most space I have ever allowed myself to do in making our biggest, most unapologetic show. It is also as sexy, as beautiful, as moving, and as joyful, just in a different way.  

What particular challenges have you found in the development of this show?

I think the biggest challenge has been holding our nerves and trusting our gut as a creative team. The creative and producing teams working on this show are some of the most extraordinarily talented humans you’re ever likely to meet and have had my back from the get-go in helping to bring my vision to life.

Why come see ‘EXXY’?

If I managed to hold your attention to read all the way to the end of this interview, I’d say that should come and check it out.

EXXY plays at London’s Battersea Arts Centre until 10 October, and will later be performed at Take Me Somewhere (15 October), Transform (22-23 October), and the Attenborough Centre for the Creative Arts (6-7 November). Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara