Review of ‘Bloody Mary and The Nine-Day Queen’: “Headless new musical shows no merits to claim the throne”

The Union Theatre hosts the world premiere of this chamber piece depicting the rise and fall of Lady Jane Grey and her rivalry with Mary Tudor. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show to let us know if its blithe portrayal of Grey’s tragic fate is likely to leave audiences sanguine.

It’s Halloween time — unless, of course, you go by the corporate calendar, in which case it’s already mid-Christmas. In any case, you would think that venues would take the opportunity to add a little spice of horror to their October programming. And when you hear the words Bloody Mary, your mind instantly pictures the spine-tingling legend of the young girl buried alive who seeks revenge from the other side of the mirror — I guess it’s true what they say about never digging up the past.

Sorry to disappoint, but if you were looking to have your throat slashed, you’ve come to the wrong place — and I’ve been advised not to make any recommendations in that field either. Yet, if gruesome is what you like, perhaps this is still a character you might like to rediscover. After all, Mary Tudor was given that sobriquet for a reason — and quite a solid one.

Despite its title, the piece doesn’t delve much into the heinous acts Mary would later perpetrate to assert her power. The rest of its lengthy name can be found in the programme’s footprint — the plot actually revolves around Lady Jane Grey and her nine-day stay on the English throne.

It’s an excellent subject for a musical. Its operatic nature speaks for itself. Set during a tumultuous political era, triggered by the religious reformation, the story is packed with epic, larger-than-life themes that are better conveyed through song. Authors Gareth Hides and Anna Unwin clearly agree with that notion, and have been determined to honour their belief — there is, in fact, almost no dialogue, as the entire recount is narrated through an uninterrupted score.

Its inspiration from previous works is obvious. Both the soundtrack and other dramatic elements come across as a regurgitation of creative identities, all of which can be easily tracked down. Stylistically, the show feels like a Michael Kunze concoction — only campier and without endless, drifting discussions about total eclipses. Structurally, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s presence can’t go unnoticed — many numbers consist of short, contrasting motifs colliding continuously as the scene unfolds. And melodically, it has the derivative essence of a Frank Wildhorn score — safe, unoriginal, and with more than a few shameless influences (you can hear Marc Shaiman or even Madonna’s La Isla Bonita among other “nods”).

It would be unfair to say it’s not enjoyable music. It’s quite pleasant to listen to, while also varied and catchy. Yet, the shoddiness of its writing can’t be denied either. Both music and lyrics feel like an act of laziness. Despite its droll attitude, the piece still performed in historical costumes. Therefore, you would expect that some of that medieval flavour would be acknowledged. It never happens, though. Instead, all that we are given are contemporary standards — mixing pop with jazz and even tango, many times just for the sake of doing it.

The libretto is, nonetheless, its weakest link. The verses have adequate prosody but absolutely no subtext, elaborateness, or wit. There is some amusing wordplay, though its greatest achievement might be referring to tuberculosis as “TB”. The rhymes, however, are extremely shabby. Sadly, they’re not featured that often, either. And when they do, we’re regaled by too many careless attempts, such as trying to pass “happening” and “seventeen” as one of them.

The show’s main issue lies in its lack of self-definition. Although its tongue-in-cheek approach is consistent, there are some discreet efforts to bring more gravitas. None of them is successful, though. And wistfully, neither is the humour, which presents itself as bitchy and sharp when, in reality, it doesn’t get any better than soft, predictable, and 10-year-old childish. It’s fine to turn a real-life tragedy into a lively spectacle. The problem arises when, in that endeavour of not taking the source material too seriously, you include the comedy, too.

The absence of character arcs is the last nail in the coffin. All of the characters come off as excruciatingly flat and one-dimensional. The piece follows the guidelines of a traditional musical, with the usual ensemble opening, the “I Want” song as the third number, and the big finale where everyone gathers through a medley made of the score’s highlights. Despite its understanding of form, its handling of the personages’ psychology is sketchy at best and nonexistent at worst — exploring their feelings in the most cliched way possible while giving no room for growth and transformation.

The cast is virtually the only redeeming feature in the production, alongside David Gibson’s exquisite orchestrations, which flaunt intricacy and virtuosity throughout the entire rendition. Anna Unwin delivers a satisfying performance as the protagonist, Jane, whose compelling vocal ability is evenly matched, and even surpassed, by Cezarah Bonner’s (Mary) bel canto prowess. In addition, Johnnie Benson flaunts a remarkable comedy bone as well as a proper acting range as both Guildford Dudley and Philip II of Spain, whose depiction as a Mexican Fawlty Towers Manuel should be, at least, a case study.

There are probably a few reasons to write a musical about the contention between Jane Grey and Mary Tudor. And potentially, one or two to do it from a satirical perspective. Still, there are hardly any arguments to justify how poorly executed and unrefined Bloody Mary and the Nine Day Queen looks. Its undecided tone and confusing direction condemn (and, eventually, sentence to death) every opportunity for an engaging, entertaining, and perhaps resonant portrayal of two prominent women fighting for the course of their country. Unfortunately, the authors seem to be as blindfolded as Jane was during her last seconds. And it wouldn’t surprise me if, consequently, the show got the axe from the audience.

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All pictures credit to Colin Perkins.

Bloody Mary and the Nine Day Queen plays at London’s Union Theatre until 29 October. Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara