Review of ‘Affluenza’: “Noah Schnapp’s stage debut is no stranger thing, and it isn’t great either”

I wouldn’t blame anyone who feels like they need therapy after watching this play. I’ve seen bad before, but this is beyond next-level. A show that criticises privilege shoots itself in the foot by doing exactly the same. If it didn’t have a television star as its lead, odds are it would never have been produced—and for good reason. Everything about it is dreadful: a thin plot, amateurish dialogue, a structure that falls apart from the beginning, and some of the most appalling acting I’ve seen in all these years as a critic — and as a viewer.

Nothing is salvageable in Affluenza. Even its premise is so overdone it’s hardly enticing. Still, a play can make a difference out of the most hackneyed idea if it has a defining voice. This one doesn’t. It’s not that it doesn’t speak to its audience. It just doesn’t speak at all. It has no depth, no perceptiveness, and no ability to comment. There’s no dramatic strength either: the characters are sketchy at best and shapeless at worst; none of them embarks on a solid journey; and most of the action takes audiences literally nowhere.

The script jumps into the conflict right at the beginning: a wealthy couple are trying to save their late-teenage kid from going to jail for causing a massive car accident while driving under the influence. Money makes the world go around, and although buying a jury off can’t save him from punishment this time, he might have a chance by convincing the prosecutors that his wealthy, enabling parents are responsible for his reckless behaviour and clouded understanding of right and wrong. No plot twist — he’s let go, and the victims’ families are compensated, although one of them refuses.

From then on, the story focuses on the aftermath of the verdict. And it seems the real drama will unfurl when the father of a young girl who lost her ability to speak following the crash is preparing for retaliation. At least, that’s what Act One’s cliffhanger leads us to think. Bless us; nothing further from the truth. Instead, the most confusing second half unfolds.

I don’t even know if I was even seeing the same characters. In fact, I don’t even know what I was seeing — period. Suddenly, the same set (a multi-million-dollar summer house in the Hamptons) is trashed with dirty laundry and empty pizza boxes (just like my flatmates would do). Amidst the mess, a television crew tries to film a reality series about a dysfunctional family, with an emasculated husband and a stepmother who’s supposed to be funny simply because she struts around while cursing every two words. Yes, it’s just what you’re imagining: this is the theatrical equivalent of having a brain aneurysm.

The writing’s overall lack of sense is worsened by the terrible direction, which leads to the company’s incompetence. There is no rapport, and the individual portrayals have no complexity, layering, or nuance. Noah Schnapp is excruciatingly flat and has little presence. In his defence, his role is awfully underwritten, much like the rest. In the end, there’s not much for the performers to do when the material is so flawed.

There seems to be consensus about Affluenza’s nonexistent quality. And you should believe every single negative thing they say about it. Unless you’re a hardcore Stranger Things fan and don’t mind wasting money (because that’s how this show will make you feel), you should not even consider booking a ticket, no matter how cheap. You might think I’m brutal, but that’s my duty. As much as it may hurt, friends don’t lie.

All pictures credit to Danny Kaan.

Affluenza plays at London’s Riverside Studios until

By Guillermo Nazara