Review of ‘The Crumple Zone’: “Crushing crushes”

London’s Waterloo East Theatre welcomes this new gay comedy exploring the struggles of romantic relationships as well as complying with personal realizations. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show, to let us know if this droll comment on love and sex life keeps some balls rolling.

I can talk about two different shows here – either the one I came to review, or the spectacle some people bless me with in my theatrical everyday: shouting in the middle of the performance, filming bits of it, hitting you in the back every time they go for that “subtle” leg cross, and basically reminding me of how advanced my anger-control techniques are; whether I put them into practice is another story…

Anyway – regardless of how frightfully annoying humanity can sometimes be, at least I can take solace in the fact that those arch nemesis can give a little spice to what, otherwise, could lead to a much blander evening. Moving from their usual spot at the Stage Door Theatre to Southbank’s gay fringe mecca (Pleasuredrome just around the corner – wink, wink), the LAMBCO company has brought their latest installment of the season – this time, a turbulent romantic comedy dealing with what we, queens, are better at: being fucked, and fucked up.

Penned by Buddy Thomas, the Crumple Zone explores (in some way) the struggles and difficulties of dating – as well as coming to terms not only with one’s own sexuality, but with what the heart truly wishes for as a whole. As a premise, the idea is quite strong. The delivery, however, fails to match that degree of enticement almost entirely – with the writing suffering from an astonishing number of cliches both in style and structure, resulting in a rather unappealing journey where everything looks flat, unsurprising, and uninteresting.

With little to no flow at basically any point of its dialogue, the scenes are deprived of enough naturalness to make them not only believable (regardless of its heightened, farcical approach), but most importantly, engaging. Consequently, its humour is continuously compromised – with the jokes struggling to land due to an absence of wit, surprise and, on too many occasions, funniness itself, as well as the characters’ arc feeling lazy and underdone.

On the other hand, the performances can’t either bring much to make up for the flaws the script presents. There’s a level of chemistry among the cast, but the portrayals aren’t carried out with ease – let alone, electricity. There’s stamina, but no charm. Everything appears to be forced – perhaps, as attempt to revive a not too responsive text. But whatever the reason, the outcome is, wistfully, uncanny. We don’t get to connect with any of the roles; and more often than not, we simply do not care about them at all.

Parting from an excellent idea, but regrettably heading onto the opposite direction when set in motion, The Crumple Zone brings the smash into its name, but sorrowfully not with the most desirable meaning when it comes to its development and execution (no pun intended). With thousands of possibilities still waiting to be taken through its rather amusing concept, a full makeover will be crucial not only to turn the show around, but to actually make it feel as such – instead of a convolution of absurd situations featuring anything but what a story needs to be significant to an audience, even when entertainment is their sole purpose. It’s a tale of futility, but that aspect should remain on the fictional side.

All pictures credit to Peter Davies.

The Crumple Zone plays at London’s Waterloo East Theatre until 22 December. Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara