Review of ‘It Walks Around The House At Night’: “Ghostly show is drop-dead dull”

London’s Southwark Playhouse presents the London premiere of Tim Foley’s supernatural horror play, recounting the tale of a threatening spirit haunting the gardens of an old manor. Guillermo Nazara shares his views on the show to let us know if this shadowy tale deserves to be shaded.

They didn’t lie to us. An actual ghost currently wanders around the Southwark Playhouse’s stage. And probably, all across the London scene. Don’t look for clinking chains or blood-splattered robes, though. This ghoul has taken on a more philosophical entity — it’s no longer an apparition, but the absence of it.

True horror has left the building. And by extension, the entire genre. At least, in its present form across London’s theatrical landscape. It shouldn’t be expected to return any time soon, either. May this play be all the evidence you need.

I wasn’t too impressed by Paranormal Activity, although it was passable. I was annoyed by the silliness of Ghost Stories — the Andy Nyman one; check this one for quality writing. Yet, it still triggered a reaction. And then, there is this one — another so-called horror. To its credit, it’s honestly given me a terrible time. Not in the way they had hoped for.

It’s not scary; that’s already been established. It’s not entertaining either. And its attempts at humour (there are a lot of those) are as pointless as they are clueless. This might be one of the most boring theatrical experiences audiences have encountered this season, and a fine example of how action is not enough to make the plot work. Ironically, its narrative does move along fast. However, we can’t help but get the impression that nothing really happens — worth our attention, that is.

A struggling young actor (in case you missed a good old cliché) is hired to play a ghost lurking around the gardens of an ancient mansion. It’s an easy, well-paid job. It seems like his life has finally been stricken by some luck. It won’t take long until he realises that his fate might not be as bright as he imagined. And that he’s not the only one walking on those dark paths.

There’s nothing original about its premise. Or its execution. Even its ending, which could be barely considered a twist, is extremely predictable. The whole thing comes across as a lazy rehash of every film, TV show, and overall B-list product ever made, with the sole intention of capitalising instead of actually caring for the genre. It’s a shallow recount where every character is excruciatingly one-dimensional, and where all the events are excessively linear and oversimplified.

Nothing in the performance generates the slightest tension. The conflict is not engaging, and the scenes fail to create enough suspense to grip the viewer — let alone put them on edge. Eventually, the piece has as much elaborateness as a funfair ride — easy turns and formulaic devices construct an ultimately bland script, where there’s no craftsmanship or pursuit of it, and which is deeply influenced by the shoddiness of many low-class predecessors.

Delivered as a one-man show for the most part, the sense of intimacy and authenticity that should accompany its approach never materialises. It doesn’t come off genuine — or proximate. Viewers should have acted as confidantes, witnessing the most remarkable events, presented to them almost as a confession. Instead, we are completely detached from what’s going on, and no matter how hard the production tries, it never breaks the barrier between the audience and the story’s universe. If anything, it’s only thickened.

There is no sensation of danger. Everything is too safe, like observing a white shark from behind the aquarium’s glass, with the added disappointment of soon realising that it’s made of rubber. The entire rendition is restrained, and its twitchiness feels fake. Consequently, everyone sitting through it does it under the comfort of a safety bar, constantly reassuring them that there’s nothing to worry about.

The staging is a reasonably redeeming feature, although it doesn’t come without its flaws. A tilted, decaying wooden room stands on a leaf-littered ground. On one side, fluorescent mushrooms spurt around a self-opening fridge — in their defence, there’s no bigger nightmare than wasting food.

Schematic projections and atmospheric lighting provide the rest. And admittedly, they are the design’s most accomplished effort, turning an otherwise not too versatile scenery into a faintly more dynamic, multi-faceted space, whose limitations are still noticeable but somewhat softened.

Some credit must be given to Pete Malkin’s underscore, whose broad yet cohesive style serves the narrative with precision and flair, supplying the eeriness that the script, most sadly, can’t convey on any level. Its controlled eclecticism, which ranges from a reminiscence of James Newton Howard’s The Village to a more Mark Snow-like sound, weaves a moderately rich tapestry, which sometimes soars above without taking the protagonism away from the story — an even more laudable achievement given these particular circumstances.

George Naylor delivers an acceptable performance as the lead, Joe, which teems with presence and technical command. Parallelly, his overall high energy effuses the little substance the material yields. Nonetheless, there’s also an element of flatness, which stems primarily from a lack of depth and limited register. On the few occasions he plays other characters, their portrayal is reduced to a slight voice change. And even that aspect feels inadequate.

A hooded spectre roams around the auditorium, frightfully wiggling its claws before the audience’s unwidened eyes. Some may interpret it as a Freddie Krueger-inspired menace. Others may see it as a tribute to Cynthia Erivo or Rosalia. What everyone will surely agree on is the show’s inefficiency as a horror piece. Not only does it not scare, but it takes viewers on a painfully tedious journey that I’m not sure many may be willing to endure. There wasn’t a single scream over the course of press night’s performance. And that’s a spook I wasn’t prepared for.

All pictures credit to Tommy Ga-Ken Wan.

It Walks Around The House At Night plays at London’s Southwark Playhouse until 28 March. Tickets are available on the following link.

By Guillermo Nazara